A Mother’s Story Of Surviving A High Cryer
Weeping, Wailing and Gnashing of Teeth: My Story of Surviving a High Crier
It was 4 a.m. and I was on the floor in my living room, sobbing. The rest of my family was asleep, except for me and my 3-month old son. I looked at him, through my veil of tears, and realized I wanted nothing to do with my little baby.
Garrett was born December 9, 2004, at 8:49 p.m., after a very fast 80 minute labor. He was 6lbs. 7 oz., with light brown hair and blue eyes he appeared to be absolutely perfect… I would like to say this is the text for a joyous birth announcement, but the reality of my story is more akin to a life and death survival guide.
I am a professional woman. I am independent, strong and educated. By all indications, I “should” have been able to handle a baby, especially baby number three, after all, I’d survived the first two with enough desire for another! But this baby was different. This baby cried. Not a little. Not once in a while. Not a sweet little whine. He cried ALL the time. No matter what I did.
Our first few weeks at home were wonderful. I cuddled and kissed my darling little boy, enjoyed the Christmas holiday with our family and tried to figure out what kind of routine we would have when life got back to normal. Little did I know, the new “normal” was not what I had planned.
I still didn’t like to hear my sweet little baby crying, but this time, I knew he really was going to be just fine, and so was I.
Some Crying Is Not Harmful To A Young Baby
Klein, who is the author of How Toddlers Thrive, points out that a little crying is fine for young infants in the three to six month age range. Although, there are certain times when a parent needs to step in.
“If you have a baby who just moves into hysterics and can’t get off of that, then you do need to go in and calm them and soothe them,” said Klein, who suggests rubbing the infant’s back or another gentle gesture to help calm the child down. “The whole purpose of helping a baby learn to go to sleep is helping them learn to calm themselves enough to fall back to sleep. They go up and get upset, but can they come back down. As much as the world would like to make it about ‘do you let them cry or don’t you,’ it’s kind of a between answer.”
Klein told INSIDER that there is no evidence that the cry-it-out method is harmful to infants, but reminds caretakers that a baby’s cries should always be viewed in the context of the parent-infant relationship.
“Crying is a baby’s way of telling us that they need something like they are hungry, sick, need a diaper change, but it’s also a way one of the few ways they have to regulate themselves,” she said. “As long as there is a loving and nurturing relationship happening with the baby during the day, then they won’t feel abandoned and probably they aren’t going to have lifelong problems because they learned to cry-it-out at night. A nice bedtime routine that nurtures them into bed is helpful, too.”
Managing Newborn Crying: Tips
If your baby cries a lot, it can be frustrating, upsetting and overwhelming. Its OK to take some time out until you feel calmer. Put your baby in a safe place like a cot, or ask someone else to hold your baby for a while.
These ideas might help you and your baby:
- Reduce the stimulation around your baby for example, try sitting with baby in a quiet, dimmed room.
- Swaddle or wrap your baby. This can help your baby feel secure.
- Hum a gentle, calming tune. Your baby knows your voice and prefers it to other sounds.
- Lay your baby on their side in the cot and rhythmically pat their back. Gently turn baby onto their back if they fall asleep.
- Try putting in some imaginary earplugs. Let the sound of the crying pass through you, and remind yourself that everything is OK. Youre doing all you can to help your baby.
- Take your baby for a walk in the pram or a sling. Movement can sometimes be soothing.
- Try playing white noise like a fan or the radio tuned to the static between stations. This can help to settle your baby.
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Is Crying It Out Harmful
In this one study, researchers found that the cry-it-out method was effective as a way to help babies sleep longer, and also that it was not harmful to them. The study measured babies’ stress levels through hormones and mother’s observations before, after, and a year later, and found that the babies did not display any short- or long-term negative effects from crying it out.
So should you try the cry-it-out method with your baby? As a parent, you know what your baby needs and if you are considering using the cry-it-out method, just remember that crying it out does not mean leaving a very young baby to scream for hours alone in their room.
Crying it out needs to be a controlled aspect of sleep training that accounts for all of your baby’s needs, including making sure they are fed, cuddled, diapered properly, and comfortable before you implement it. You also need to be sure you can see your baby, so invest in a good quality video monitor. Be sure to speak to your doctor before you start sleep training as well, to make sure you are following safe sleep recommendations.
How Long Should You Let A Toddler Cry It Out
Likely the best known CIO method, Richard Ferber, MD, uses the graduated extinction model starting when baby is 6 months old. Graduated basically means that parents are encouraged to put baby to bed when theyre drowsy but still awake. Then, youre to let your baby cry for 5 minutes before responding the first time.
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Should You Let Babies ‘cry It Out’ Debate Reignited By New Study
Study says leaving babies to cry may help develop self-control, but many experts disagree
The debate over whether parents should leave a wailing baby to cry it out or rush to their aid has been reignited by research that suggests allowing them to bawl does no harm.
Attachment theory suggests parents should dash to calm their infants, and proponents say leaving infants to cry could have knock-on effects including damaging the bond between parent and child and raising the infants stress levels.
Others, however, argue that picking a baby up reinforces crying, and that parents should leave the child.
Now researchers say they have found that leaving infants to cry has no impact on their behavioural development or their attachment to their mother, but may help them develop self-control.
Prof Dieter Wolke, the co-author of the study from the University of Warwick, said the findings suggest parents should not worry too much about which approach they take.
We may have made a mountain out of a molehill, he said.
Amy Brown, a professor of child public health at Swansea University who was not involved in the research, said the study should be treated with caution. Few mothers in the study often left their infant to cry it out until they reached 18 months, she said, and the study did not consider how long parents left their child or whether they found it helpful.
How Long Can I Let My Newborn Cry
How long can you leave a baby to cry?
- The goal of the CIO method is to let baby fuss and cry on her own until she eventually wears herself out and falls asleep on her own. In the beginning, you may end up having to let baby cry it out for 45 minutes to an hour before she goes to sleep, though it varies from baby to baby.
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Taking Care Of Yourself Too
To take the best care of your baby, you have to take care of yourself. If your baby wont stop crying, its OK to leave him or her in the crib or bassinet for a few minutes to see if he or she will cry it out . And dont hesitate to enlist help. Its important to remember that mothers who have recently given birth are experiencing the fourth trimester, when they are healing from the emotional and physical changes they have gone through. Sometimes you need a break, so ask your partner, a family member or a friend to step in so you can step out for a few hours to get a break.
And perspective always helps, Dr. Bristol says.
The fussy, crying stage wont last forever. It may not feel like it at 2 a.m. when your baby has been crying since midnight, but there is a light at the end of the tunnel.
Looking to talk to a doctor about your baby? Find a pediatrician near you.
Sleepless Nights Can Be Hard On New Parents But There Are Simple Strategies To Help Your Infant Sleep Longer
For most new parents, sleep deprivation is a rite of passage. At times it may seem like your newborn isnt sleeping at all. In reality, many babies actually require up to 19 hours of sleep each day. The problem is, they tend to slumber only in short one- to two-hour spurts and often decide to be awake in the wee hours of the night, when youre desperate for some shut-eye.
But dont despair. There is some good news: Most babies settle into a predictable sleep schedule eventually, says Alison Niebanck, MD, assistant professor of pediatrics at the Mercer University School of Medicine and program director of the pediatric residency program atâ¯Memorial Healthâ¯in Savannah, Georgia. And with a little strategizing, you can get there faster. Heres how.
Go with the flow early on Babies younger than 4 months old dont have the ability to self-sootheto calm themselves down when left alone in their cribs. The main point for little babies is to hold and love them, and then gently put them down when they are asleep, says Dr. Niebanck. For that reason, she says, you shouldnt just walk away and let infants this age cry it out.
If, on the other hand, youre tempted to take your baby into bed with you, expert advice is simple: Dont do it.
You can capture some of the benefits of swaddlingwhile reducing the potential risksby using a sleep sack, which partially envelops the baby but allows her hips and arms to remain free, Niebanck advises.
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How Long Should You Let A Baby Cry
It is a fact of life that babys cry. This is a normal part of development. Since crying is normal, it will not hurt your baby. The question always arises, how long should you let a baby cry? One important note is that infants that cry for overly long periods of time may suffer from issues with insecurity. Any infant that is under four months old is not crying to get their way and it is impossible to spoil an infant that young. They are expressing to you that they clearly need something and have no other way of telling you. While crying is not harmful, infants needs have to be met and one of those is attention and affection.
What Is Shaken Baby Syndrome
Shaken baby syndrome, or abusive head trauma, is when a child’s brain is injured from physical abuse. Most cases happen when a parent or caregiver shakes a baby while angry or frustrated, often because the baby won’t stop crying. These injuries can cause permanent brain damage or death. No one should ever shake a baby for any reason.
Finding ways to ease a parent or caregiver’s stress when a baby is crying can help stop shaken baby syndrome.
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Letting Your Baby Cry Doesnt Make You A Bad Parent
There will be those parents who disagree with what I just wrote that doesnt make it true.
As long as you approach sleep training from a place of love and an attempt to help your whole family, remember this important fact:
Letting your baby cry doesnt make you a bad parent.
Instead of worrying what all of the judgy McJudgersons say, focus on whats best for your family. Do that. And remember that when youre trying to do whats best for your family, that makes you a good parent.
How Long You Let Baby Cry Depends On Their Age
Letting a baby cry it out wont work for every age. In fact, theres an optimal window of opportunity where letting your baby cry it out works. Outside of that window? Its not recommended and its probably not going to work.
So yes, how long you let your baby cry is strongly dependent on their age at least in regards to sleep training.
The window of opportunity for crying it out starts between 4-6 months of age and closes by 12-18 months old. Children in this age range can be allowed to cry it out if you so choose. This is the age range that I surveyed and were able to cry it out in 1-2 hours each night over a week.
Well talk about why you shouldnt let babies outside of this range use cry it out later on in this article.
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How Long You Should Let Your Baby Cry It Out Is Your Choice
Just because most babies take at least a half of an hour to cry themselves to sleep doesnt mean that you have to let them cry that long. How long you let your baby cry is ultimately your choice.
Its okay to set restrictions on how long you let your baby cry. Its also okay to decide that youll let your baby cry however long it takes.
Just remember that a single nights worth of crying it out isnt enough to prompt a lasting change. Its going to take about a week to create that newer, better sleep habit.
And know that nights 3-5 will, according to several hundred surveyed parents, be the next worst. After that, things calm down significantly.
So if you choose to use cry it out sleep training, own that choice. Set up how you want to use it. Then give it time to work.
That being said, there is literature on how long you should let your babies cry at various ages.
- Newborns and swaddled babies should NOT do cry it out. Read why that is in my article here. Ive got some great tips and information for you there.
- One-year-olds can cry it out. And it usually takes 1-2 hours, with one hour being far more common. If your baby is about a year old, make sure you read my article on doing cry-it-out with 1-year-olds.