Is Room Sharing Safer Than Bed
Room sharing is a good, protective option that keeps infants near their parents overnight, but not in the same bed, says Kam. Room sharing is associated with a lower risk of SIDS and recommended for the first six months of life.
Because SIDS risks peak between two and four months, and it happens less often between six and 12 months, parents can relax a little as their babies get older.
As with most aspects of parenting, as the child ages, you can continue to modify and adjust to their developmental stages, Kam says. Once your baby learns to roll over, for example, you can stress less about making sure theyre sleeping on their backlet them sleep on their tummies if they got there on their own.
Ultimately, there are a myriad of factors that affect safety and raise or lower the risks to the baby. It is certainly possible to make bed-sharing safer, but it still does carry an elevated risk of SIDS. Remember that the safest co-sleeping arrangement is between a sober and smoke-free breastfeeding mother and her infant, in a firm bed, without loose bedding. Any departure from that increases the risks of sudden infant death, says Kam.
Myth # 3 Parental Conflict Doesnt Affect Babies
Many parents incorrectly believe that their babies are less affected by conflict than older children may be. While its true that infants will not understand the content of arguments they may overhear, they are far from unaffected by discord between their parents.
Studies have shown that, even while they are sleeping, being exposed to arguments between parents can increase an infants sensitivity to conflict and raised voices.
Conflict has other far-reaching consequences. It can prevent parents from co-parenting cooperatively. Cooperation is essential if a family is prioritizing dual-parent involvement, and conflict is in direct odds with cooperation, meaning that infants can feel its effects indirectly.
Parents who are in conflict are also less likely to communicate openly, meaning that the more frequent exchanges often required by newborn parenting plans may be untenable. If exchanges are a hassle, it can lead to the decreased involvement of one parent, leaving the infant bereft of a relationship with one of their parents.
Having reviewed the common misconceptions that should not dictate infant parenting plans, what should parents think about when drafting a visitation schedule for their baby?
Communicate Effectively Part 2
Email and texting lets co-parents to discuss schedules and air grievances without having to pick up the phone, chat in person or stress your child out by turning them into a messenger. That said, its way too easy for a text or email conversation to turn ugly, cautions Moskovitch. A few rules: If you receive a message that triggers you, dont reply immediately. Take time to cool off and to objectively consider your words and tone. Try to only deal with one issue per email or text conversation. And since this is how youd want to be treated, show respect by responding to your co-parents missives within 24 hours .
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How To Create A Parenting Plan
Setting ground rules and being explicit about expectations will help ensure a smoother co-parenting experience.
If the plan you originally develop doesnt work well, dont be afraid to work with your co-parent to adjust it as needed. And remember that a plan that works well when your child is younger may need to be adjusted as your child grows older.
Here are some points to consider when developing a plan:
- Know when your child or children will switch homes, where and when theyll be picked up, and what kind of behavior is expected at each home.
- Arrange with your co-parent whether your children will call or text you when theyre with the co-parent. If they will, then set a specific time.
- Make sure everyone is clear about their child care roles. For example, you might want to accept all responsibilities when your child is with you. Or, you and your co-parent may wish to split or otherwise delegate some daily responsibilities, like taking the children to school, getting them to extracurricular activities, etc.
- Follow similar routines at each respective home. For example, homework at 5 p.m. and bedtime at 8 p.m., or no television on school nights. Kids function better with consistency.
- Agree on what and how youll discipline. Set mutual household rules, such as curfews and what chores need to be done. Display a unified front when enforcing them.
Be prepared to change and adjust your parenting plan as your children age and circumstances change.
Dont Play Blame Game With The Child Around
Explaining why its heinous to bad mouth your ex in front of the children, Tessina says, They see themselves as half of each parent, and if you make their father or mother sound evil, then they feel youre making half of them sound evil. Even babies who do not understand words can sense the vibes you give. So, start being more kind to each other, if not friendly. You, obviously, want to give your baby a good childhood so don’t be into a competition with your ex. Until the child is grown up enough to understand the reasons behind your separation, he will love to see you happy with your ex. Being caught in the middle of a fight is something that none of us desire, and kids are no different than us!
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Making Important Decisions As Co
Major decisions need to be made by both you and your ex. Being open, honest, and straightforward about important issues is crucial to both your relationship with your ex and your childrens well-being.
Medical needs. Whether you decide to designate one parent to communicate primarily with health care professionals or attend medical appointments together, keep one another in the loop.
Education. Be sure to let the school know about changes in your childs living situation. Speak with your ex ahead of time about class schedules, extra-curricular activities, and parent-teacher conferences, and be polite to each other at school or sports events.
Financial issues. The cost of maintaining two separate households can strain your attempts to be effective co-parents. Set a realistic budget and keep accurate records for shared expenses. Be gracious if your ex provides opportunities for your children that you cannot provide.
Navigating Co Parenting A Newborn
During the baby’s early months, both parents need to develop an emotional bond with the baby. But this can be difficult if you or your partner are not staying together, either due to divorce or separation. Through co-parenting, you can provide the much-needed care and security to the baby, and at the same time, maintain your personal space.
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Breastfeeding A Toddler Or Older Child
It may be better not to raise breastfeeding as an obstacle to sharing custody past one or two years of age however biologically normal this is. Many experts are unsupportive and uneducated about breastfeeding past infancy and the courts wont favour breastfeeding if it seems to interfere with a bond with the father/other parent such as preventing overnight stays. Focusing on breastfeeding is ignoring the bigger issue of separation and attachment. Securely attached children who are not used to being away from their mother would be upset by long separations whether or not they were breastfeeding.
Excerpt from
Extended Breastfeeding and the Law, Breastfeeding Abstracts, LLLI, Baldwin, February 2001
Misinformation about breastfeeding affects everyone in our society, including lawyers, judges, psychologists, and social workers. While there is no harm in breastfeeding past infancy and allowing a child to wean naturally, many professionals in social service agencies and family law courts are quite shocked to learn just how long a child may breastfeed. Lacking accurate information, these officials may overreact and conclude that breastfeeding a child of two, three, or four is somehow improper.
Co Parenting From Birth
Im wondering if anyone has any experience of this and how it worked from birth. I am not with my childs father but we on and we are going to try and make it work. Id love to hear any experiences at all of this.
No I dont at all mean a 50/50 spilt I mean that we are not together but are going to parent together. As in he wants involvement as much as possible and I want that too. Im not going to let my newborn baby be aware from me if thats what youre implying!
did you have advice or just to tell me Im cruel?!
No experience, but a suggestion would be if you’re happy with this… 1) let him come and go as he pleases – straight from work for bath time etc, all weekends2) spend nights on the sofa to feed if you’re not BFing or to change nappies and settle if you are? 3) let him invite his family to yours?
Just get everything straight. What access dad will be getting, where & when. Who is allowed to visit with him during his time . When will it be built up to a few hours away with dad . When will it go to overnight stays then onto 50/50 care.Will dad be named on the birth certificate and have PR?
I didn’t say you were cruel, just that the idea of a 50/50 split was cruel for a tiny baby. But that’s not what you’re planning thankfully! I think it sounds great that you both want to co parent as you’ve subsequently described. Other posters have gien lots of good practical advice.
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Communicate Effectively Part 1
Generally, ineffective communication is one of the primary causes of the break-up in the first place, says Shouldice. That doesnt magically change because youre no longer a couple. If necessary, work with a coach or therapist to ensure that what youre communicating to your co-parent is being received in the manner you intended. This stuff is way more of an important investment than trying to outfit the second bedroom to help the kid transition to two new houses, says Shouldice.
I Wanted To Meet A Mate And Have A Baby Without Wasting Time: The Rise Of Platonic Co
Theyre ready to start a family, but cant wait for The One. As mating sites boom under lockdown, we meet those hoping for a better way to raise a child
When Jenica Anderson and Stephan DuValclicked on one anothers online profile on Modamily.com tagline A new way to family neither was looking for romance. They were both in their late 30s, and their short bios indicated that they shared similar views on health and education, had solid incomes and were searching for the same thing: a non-romantic partner to have and raise a child with. A co-parent.
Anderson, 38, a geologist from Montana, US, had matched with and spoken to 10 different men, mostly via so-called mating sites matchmaking sites for people who want a baby without a romantic relationship when she had her first phone call with DuVal, from Vancouver, Canada, in spring 2019. Their conversations quickly started to run into the night and, that June, she flew out to spend the weekend with him. They talked, went hiking and jumped into a lake together. It felt like a date, says DuVal, 37, a camera operator. Except we could be totally honest about wanting to have a kid soon, without the goofiness and flirting of a first date. Youre looking to achieve a common goal.
Golomboks team turned their attention to elective co-parenting as an emerging trend in 2015. They are now following 50 families in what they believe to be the worlds first study considering the impact of the arrangement on children.
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Common Misconceptions About Custody Schedules For Infants
The approach of parents and family law professionals to drafting custody schedules for infants has evolved considerably over the past few decades as a result of extensive research into early childhood development and the effect of parental separation on children. These advancements have led to the development of more complex and detailed infant visitation schedules.
Before creating a parenting plan for your baby, it is important to understand that there is an endless supply of false information about early childhood development on the internet. Some parents still approach this process with certain misconceptions about infant parenting plans firmly in mind.
To help debunk these myths, here are 3 of the most common misconceptions about custody schedules for babies:
Letter To The Court Template
If breastfeeding past the tiny baby stage is scrutinised in a custody battle, Katherine A Dettwyler has provided a template for a letter that defends natural term breastfeeding and co-sleeping for use in a court situation.
Linked Article
Letter for Court Cases in support of extended breastfeeding by Katherine A Dettwyler, Ph.D. updated 2015
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Keep Your Frustration Aside
You might have a lot of frustration and anger towards your former partner. But this should not come in your way of caring for the baby. You should be ready to keep your frustration aside while tending for the baby. If you feel that things might go out of control, you should talk to a counsellor or a friend and vent out your feelings.
Out And About With Baby
26. Enlist backup. Make your first journey to a big, public place with a veteran parent. “Having my sister with me for support kept me from becoming flustered the first time I went shopping with my newborn,” says Suzanne Zook, a mom in Denver.
27. If you’re on your own,“stick to places likely to welcome a baby, such as story hour at a library or bookstore,” suggests Christin Gauss, a mom in Fishers, Indiana.
28. “Keep your diaper bag packed,” says Fran Bowen, a mom in Brooklyn. There’s nothing worse than finally getting the baby ready, only to find that you’re not.
29. Stash a spare. Holland Brown, a mom in Long Beach, California, always keeps a change of adult clothes in her diaper bag. “You don’t want to get stuck walking around with an adorable baby but mustard-colored poop all over you.”
30. Finally, embrace the chaos. “Keep your plans simple and be prepared to abandon them at any time,” says Margi Weeks, a mom in Tarrytown, New York.
If nothing else, remember that everyone makes it through, and so will you. Soon enough you’ll be rewarded with your baby’s first smile, and that will help make up for all the initial craziness.
Heather Swain is a mother and writer in Brooklyn, New York. Her novel is Luscious Lemon.
American Baby
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Be Accessible To Your Co
If your first reaction is to silence your phone when your ex’s number pops up, consider yourself human. But when you are co-parenting, communication is key. You dont need to jump through hoops every time they call, says Hurvitz, but if you are available to talk, pick up the phone. And if its a text about the kids, respond promptly. When the kids see that you are able to communicate kindly and respectfully, they will appreciate it and follow suit, she says.